Dear CJ,

Today was a day you won’t remember, but in years to come you will ask.

All you need to remember is that your grandmother was a special person who loved you dearly.

She loved you more than you will ever know, and more than my words can hope to describe.

Four days ago she left us.

Because its easier to type it this way, let me start with the facts:

We were half a world away, and dropped everything to get home. Your Mum and I had already discussed the “what if’s” well in advance and just knew we had to be back. So, 60hrs later, 30hrs flying, and we were Home again.

I am glad we have made this trip back. It has given me closure. More importantly, it has given me inspiration;

I will never forget these 5 special words said to me throughout our trip back.

“She was my best friend”

What amazed me, was this was not from one individual, but from many.

How can one person be so close and so important to so many people?

If I was to take only one thing from your Grandmother, it would be this: A little empathy and a little time can give others a gift of happiness and positive energy that can touch their lives deeply.

Take this with you as you grow, make your own mark on the world. Be sincere and genuine, never hesitate to make the time for others.

You have already made more of a difference in this respect than you will know.

This is your 2nd trip home to New Zealand. That first trip meant so much to your Mum and I; it was worth it just to see your grandmother doting over you, with her proud grandmother look, as she showed you to the rest of the family. She adored you more than you will know. Seeing you two together is one of our happiest memories, your mum and I will take it with us wherever life takes us.

Your Mum will tell me off for saying this, but ever since we moved away from Christchurch, I’ve always had one nagging doubt: “Did I take her daughter away?”

Having filled our time in NZ with close friends and family, I have come to peace with this. I didn’t take your mum away, she grew up and built her own life. A life based on all the learning’s and values her amazing parents had instilled in her, and which she will pass to you. Your Grandmother was a big part of this life and distance alone could never change that.

In fact we did everything we could to shrink the distance home, especially once you arrived. As it has turned out, thanks to our reliance on the internet and the effort we have put in, your grandparents probably see more of you on a daily basis than if we lived only a few hours away.

Truth be told, if we hadn’t taken the path we have, your Grandmother wouldn’t have accomplished nearly as much as she did in the last few years. The distance gave her the motivation to travel Europe with us; something she never thought she would ever do and which gave us many amazing memories to remember and smile.

I’m sure by the time you are old enough to read this, you will know how strong your amazing Mum is…

Her calm understated strength has been so important to so many of us throughout the events of the past few days. She has been a rock, not just for herself, but a really pillar of reflection and support to all of those around her, including me.

I have no doubt that your Mum gets this from her own Mum and Dad. Between them they taught her a fine balance of confidence and compassion. A personal “strength”.

I wouldn’t naturally have used the word strong to describe your grandmother when we she was with us. Her unassuming, ‘not want to make a fuss’, attitude meant that “strong” doesn’t quite fit, but it is the best word I can come up. She had a deep personal resolve to get through things on her own two feet, something which I see in your own Mum everyday.

Your grandmother had more than her share of challenges in life especially with her health. She met these challenges head on, in her own understated way. This meant many close friends and family didn’t ever really realise the severity of the challenges she had overcome and the challenges she faced each day.

For my part, I tried to do what I could with advancing technology to help her overcome some of the health challenges and to keep in touch with the people she loved. Small things can make a big difference, sight impaired software on her phone, magnifying software on her PC. I like to think that in doing this I did some small part to return a little of the kindness and friendship which she gave so freely.

My challenge to you is to learn from her; always put people first as you go through life. If Pam had one think to teach us, it was just how important friendships really are and how much of a difference everyone of us can make to the lives of those around us.

Who have you made a difference to today?