First up I would like to take a few minutes to remind everyone that Paybacks a B#*@h. Also, on an “unrelated note”, I’d like to say a big ‘Hi’ to Jo…

It was probably 12 months ago now that the nightmare all started.

A bit of friendly office banter, and a bit of fun…

But there’s always someone who goes a little too far…

As the saying goes, Its all fun and games till someone loses an eye.

At random, Jo piped up in the middle of the friendly banter with a new bit of information for everyone. Something they had never heard before, something of great power and intrigue.

The rumour had started.

Before I could stop it, the rumour had spread, it was starting to grow, and the more people knew, the more they believed.

The more they believed, the more real it became.

Before I could stop it, it had turned from a rumour to the truth.

It was the Great God Ohm. As the belief grew, the power became stronger. It became concrete, it became real…

And now I am forever stuck with it.

“Shane isn’t allowed coke, its on His List…”

The List.

8 simple words that Jo said without thinking. 8 words that grasped the imagination of those around. Instantly, everyone was visualising a list of ‘Things Shane is not allowed to do’. What should be on the list? Where was it kept? Hanging on the fridge? Controlled by the merciless Sarah?

Not standing on swively chairs

The fear quickly subsided to greed. Imaging the power such a list would hold. A Pandora’s box just for the chaos of Shane. A list powerful enough to stop the chaos? The people grew power hungry, and the list grew longer

Juggling Eggs

Worst of all they were thinking about who else needed to know.

And so the list spread. Things were added on a daily basis, items were email to Sarah, other lists were started, combined, revised, and Enforced.

Playing with sharp objects unsupervised
Juggling full stop

It spiralled out of control. Things were added to the list like wildfire. It took on a life of its own.

8 devastating words that captured the imaginations, the hearts and minds. And eventually captured the chaos.

Circus Acts. Especially Trapeze
Sugar after 3pm
Red Food Colouring

Everytime I found a loop hole, it was closed, added to the list without a 2nd thought.

I had to escape the oppression.

No Diablo in doors

I made a break.

Customs didn’t notice my departure… at least they turned a blind eye, and just smiled to themselves.

I was out. I washed up in the UK. A new land, a new life, and no record of the list.

The carnage was free.

For weeks it reigned unchecked. Coffee all day. Coke. Food colouring. Handstands. Popping Plastic Bags in a quiet office. Collecting all the staplers in the office and sending ransom emails. Net Send alerts.

It was fantastic…

It was…

It was only short lived.

Once again it started with Coke.

“Shane, I don’t think we should let you have coke”.

And before I could stop it, before I could react, I felt the words welling up.

The roumor had become so strong that even I had believed it. It had moved from myth to reality. It had grown a mind of its own.

“Oh yes, that’s on The List”.

“What list?”

“The List”.

And the damage was done. Pandoras box had been closed as quickly as it had opened.

An entire country had been saved.

Banana Jokes
Touching others computers
Photoshop and Santa

The list has been unleashed… and once again it appears unstoppable.

e-bay unsupervised
Running with Scissors
Origami in meetings

The damage Jo has done is unstoppable. 8 words of destruction.